I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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