If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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