weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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