My nipple is on Facebook.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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