Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
