Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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