Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
