She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
