Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
