You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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