Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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