lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
