I just threw up on my dentist
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
