im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
