The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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