This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
