if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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