He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
