Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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