White coat. Heels.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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