There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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