How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
