Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
