Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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