New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
