Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
porn star boner night. come get it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
