That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
