are you still at the devil's house?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
