I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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