I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.