we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this