her vagine was all disorganized.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.