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• (916): View more from California

  and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse

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• (206): View more from Washington

  There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.

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  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.

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• (530): View more from California

  sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (563): View more from Iowa

  So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.

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• (213): View more from California

  I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.

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