I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.