I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.