Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.