Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
