She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i will never coherently bang her
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
