At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
