Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
