dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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