so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
