I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
