Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
