I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
