The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
