So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
