i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
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I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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