Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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