After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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