I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
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Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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