I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
