i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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