I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
