Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
