sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
