Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
