Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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