i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
