so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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