i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
