FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
