just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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