I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
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We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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