He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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