when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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