I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
