Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
