i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Found the puke drawer
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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