i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
