and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
