Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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