just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
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I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.