pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
