I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.