I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
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Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
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I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.