Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
