remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you had me at cake vodka
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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