I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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